la vie en rose

2009-04-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure why the link below wasn't working, but thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Let's try again....

www.chrissyrenae.com

new

2009-04-02T08:36:00.001-07:00

Time to do some link switchage-- this blog is OVER. Updates will no longer occur here, but if you want to keep stalking me, go to

www.chrissyrenae.com

It's a website. With a blog. All about me. I'll be better about updating it to make it worth your while. I promise.

return of the jedi

2009-03-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

So after a 15 week hiatus........

I AM BACK!!!

I am so sorry about the long delay, I have been the worst blogger on the planet. Today I looked up an old post I wrote and then started reading through everything, and it was like a little memory walk. Now I'm mad at myself for not being more diligent about it over the past few months. I have been about-ok at updating our family blog, so I guess I should get a little credit. Anyone who hasn't checked that out yet should definitely take the time to do so. My family is just awesome. Also, entertaining. So don't forget to add a link for our family website and check it regularly.

I have returned to MY blog and I promise I will make a better effort about updating and such. Also, I suppose it is mixed with some selfish endeavors, as I am in the middle of building a radical new website and I want you all to remember who I am so you will actually read it once its up.

I know I have officially crossed into the realms of NERD land in the eyes of many, but I promise it's cool. I bought a few domains last week, set myself up with a server, and am taking some courses with the one and only Jon Sanderson to learn all about the website building process. Plus, I'm in the best place to learn about such things, as I am surrounded by internet wizards all day long. I think it's an important part of getting better at my job too, since I feel like actual knowledge about the workings of PPC and SEO are my struggling points around here.

I'm not releasing the domains YET, but as soon as I get a theme and some quality content rolling, I'll start directing you there as well. So keep your eyes peeled!

family blogsters

2008-11-20T12:24:00.000-08:00

And then the waiting time is extended, so neither happens. No excitement, and no closure. Just more waiting. Awesome.

In more exciting news, we just got a new family blog, and everybody should go check it out. The Schwab-Barnes family is basically the besssssssst so it will be worth an extra click.

Visit the SCHWAB BARNES BUNCH and leave us some lovins :)

wrath of nerves.

2008-11-17T11:50:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those days where you feel like your life could either change dramatically in a matter of minutes, or it could just carry on the same uninterrupted?

Today is one of those days.

I feel like my stomach is eating itself. Or maybe that's a racoon...

inbetween trips, i watch CNN

2008-11-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

Thoughts of the Day:

-Leave Palin alone already! I thought the pestering would die down once the election was over, but no such luck. She is a good woman and I dare even say I think she is quite intelligent (dont worry, im as surprised those words are coming out of my mouth as you are). She’s young, hot, and super smart. Although there was obviously some controversy around her nomination for VP, she did NOT destroy the McCain campaign. McCain destroyed it when he was old, boring, and running as a Republican in a year when people pretty much just hate Republicans. Stop using her as a scapegoat!

-I’ve never been a happier person than when it was announced Obama won. I was actually sitting in Del Taco (sadly I still couldn’t bring myself to miss Taco Tuesday, EVEN on election night…) and all of a sudden I got 5 happy phone calls all in a row. What an exciting moment in history!!!

-Prop 8 passed… no comment. People are protesting against the Morms… surprised? No, not at all. But really can you blame them? It does make me sad that people are protesting in front of the temple and blaming it allll on the LDS Church, but I still fully expected it. The Pro-8ers had the right to fight for it, and the opposing side has the right to protest its passing. That’s the way the political process works!!! Especially when it’s a heated issue that passes/fails based on a strong grassroots movement. I’m just grateful we live in America and are all entitled that right, no matter what the opinion may be.

-I’m trying to be all awesome and involved in my ward, but for every step I make forward, I feel like I’m thrown back another 10. I went to a mini- “get to know you” activity at my Bishop’s house (without the roommates… which means I get like quadruple the points), and everything went great and I met some pretty cool people……. Until it all went downhill in a ball of flames. Person 1: “Yeah, in most Arab countries, homosexuality is illegal” Person 2: “Oh, well that’s good” Me: “Yeah, but they like… KILL them for being gay. It’s pretty terrible.” Person 3: “Haha, maybe they should try that in California”. Me, in my head “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE”. But really… compare Arabs killing gay people with California? Do people, even MORMON people, really think we should KILL GAY PEOPLE? In 2008? As Christians? In America? Wow. I couldn’t say a word for the rest of the evening, and went home with tears streaming down my face. Sometimes Utah just kicks me in the gut.

As soon as CNN will stop talking about the election and propositions and transitions to power, I might be able to think about other things in the world. But then I think... what else IS there in the world?? I don't even remember what newspapers and television and my brain were like before the elections. My past YEAR has been wrapped up in the elections, and it's a bit hard to let it go. But I'm working on it, and CNN should too!

ORLANDO

2008-11-13T13:12:00.001-08:00

November 5th-11th

HALLOWEEN 08

2008-11-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

October 31st

Roadtrip to Oceanside

2008-11-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

October 24-26

VEGAS

2008-11-13T13:06:00.001-08:00

October 11-15

because i have a three minute pause

2008-10-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

San Diego was amazzzzzing, but the drive home wasn't the most fantastic thing. Apparently deer and metal moving at a pace of 80mph dont mix together very well... and now my car is very very dead. As is the deer.

Pictures to follow shortly...............

california, please

2008-10-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry everyone, I am a terrible blogger. My life is great, that’s all you really need to know. I went to Vegas last weekend and it was super fun. I love my job! It sounds weird, but I feel like trade shows are just like a perfect fit for me. Not forever of course, but for my age, situation, and personality, it’s pretty ideal. What’s better than being surrounded by a million people, meeting and talking to a ton of people, selling those people a sweet service, AND getting free trips to rad cities on a regular basis? Not much can top it.

I got my gym pass this week for the lovely Orange Soda employee price of $9/month, and so far I'm loving it. I adore the kickboxing class, though it doesnt love me back too much. Hopefully we can become better friends as I prove my dedication.

Um reallly that's all I can think of in the way of catching up. There wasss a whole lot of drama on my facebook, but luckily that's all tapering off now. Good thing, because the brain-near-explosion thing was getting really old. How do political debaters and bloggers do it for a living? It's TAXING on the brain and the soul, I don't think I could handle it for extended periods of time.

In other news, I'm going to San Diego tonight. Random, I know. Leesh and I were chatting online at work like usual, and suddenly we realized WHY NOT go to California? Since we're probably the world's most random people, it of course made perfect sense and now it's a go. So, look forward to a few snapshots from the adventures of Leesh, Chrissy, Aaron, and Andre in the land of sunshine.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

oh dear

2008-10-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE.

THE RESPONSE.

2008-10-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

I have been working on putting together some sort of opinion essay, or response rather, to the wrath that has unraveled on my facebook wall, but it has proven much more difficult than expected. Obviously the use of "wrath" is a bit melodramatic, but it really has gotten out of control. Beyond the 20+ comments over the past week or so, I've also started receiving messages of curiosity and requests for explanation over facebook. Who would have thought that such controversy could ensue over a brief statement, which for the record was not even a political stance, about not "being a fan" of something.

After several days of pondering and several different versions of my so-called rant, I am at a loss of what to say. If you have your mind made up about this topic, there is really nothing I can do to change that. Before I go on, please read the letter sent out by the 1st Presidency at http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/california-and-same-sex-marriage Perhaps we can clear up a few misconceptions right from the beginning.

In the issue of politics, it has never been my intention to swing anybody from one stance to the other. I love talking politics and I love getting worked up over it, but rarely- if ever- with the intent of persuasion. If someone has done their research and has some solid arguments, I have never attempted to discredit their opinions. Particularly if I can sense they have a particular passion over it. It is for this reason that I take particular offense to some of the statements that have been thrown around based on Proposition 8- my wall being one particular venue as of late.

I am a human rights activist. No matter whom it is or what they believe, I believe in equal rights for ALL, particularly where no harm to others is involved. Right now, gay people in America don't have those equal rights. You can criticize their lifestyles all you want, you can hold up the religion flag and claim it as a sin all you want, but the point is, they are PEOPLE , they are doing no harm to anyone else, and they deserve the same rights and opportunities as any other person in this country. This country was founded on a group of people seeking to escape religious persecution, yet here we are trying to change the very foundation that many worked so hard to defend.

I have nothing against gay marriage. If two men or two women want to get married, so be it. It does not affect me personally and it's not going to affect MY marriage personally. As for Proposition 8, luckily I don't live in California anymore and I will not have to make the vote myself. In my heart, I am against it (aka "not a fan") and I see it inherently wrong and faulty. Furthermore, the so-called "evidence" to back it up is a construed arrangement of lies and fallacies. Nobody will have to learn about gay marriage in school, the Church will NOT lose its non-profit status, and temple sealers will NOT lose their licenses. I recommend all members of the pro-8 side read this document before writing the comments that are sure to follow this entry.http://connellodonovan.com/thurston_response.pdf I do not mind a bit if you disagree or comment, but I will mind if you use rumors and lies to back your argument. Regardless of reasons or spiritual levels or what anyone tries to say is right and wrong, I cannot say I am for Prop 8 and still feel like I'm being true to myself. The church's involvement in this issue makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I wish more than anything that they would have stayed out of it.

Sometimes "the prophet said so" is not quite good enough evidence in political realms. It might be for you, and that is great. However, when you make arguments in any sort of public venue, a religious rant just isn't going to cut it. If your goal is to truly deny gay people from ever getting married, you're going to need to find a few more reasons to convince the rest of the country. Because religion aside, I have yet to find one.

According to the last reports I saw, members of the Church had already spent OVER 10 MILLION DOLLARS toward the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign. To me this number is alarming and sad. It appears that this sudden explosion of support is simply an excuse for people to push their own anti-gay sentiments and feel more validated in their opinion. Now people can't knock you and say you don't believe in equal rights for everyone, because you have the church to stand behind as an excuse. For clarification, if you truly are standing behind this point of view strictly because you are trying to be a God-fearing person who accepts the Prophet's counsel, I have nothing against you. I will never judge someone who is simply trying to "follow the Prophet." From my discussions and inquiries, this rarely seems to be the case. Also, keep in mind all the other things the Prophets have taught, such as showing charity and love for your fellow men. That one seems to get cast aside quite often in discussions I hear regarding the gay community.

There have been many cases in the past when the Prophet has asked people to donate their time and their means to helping on a variety of different causes. In every General Conference session we are taught about Fast Offerings and Missionary Funds and Humanitarian Funds and the Perpetual Education Fund. All of these are great charitable causes put to good use. So where does an additional 10 million suddenly come from? I feel like the "official Church stance" has just become a wall of defense for the anti-gay rights team to hide behind; a sudden excuse to pour millions of dollars and millions of hours into "taking a stand" against gay people.

I also find it interesting that these claims on the definition of marriage are coming from Mormons. Did we not have our own battles about different "definitions" of marriage, a mere 150 years ago? Sure polygamy was technically "between a man and a woman", but it was still seen as weird and twisted by most of the American population. I'm sure those of you with long lines of LDS history in your family trees have heard stories of oppression and hardship because the rest of the country didn't understand WHY it was that the Saints took on this lifestyle. Why is it alright to bash on another group's "alternate lifestyle"? Because polygamy was called by God and homosexuality wasn't? Laws in America should not be based on whose side was called by God and whose wasn't. Separation of church and state is there for a reason.

I have many gay friends and even gay family members. They are very dear to me, and are some of the BEST people I have ever met. Where charity and love for people is concerned, I would hold them up against the Mormons I know any day. They want to be happy, they want to be part of committed relationships, and they want to be guaranteed the same rights in those relationships that the rest of us already have opportunity for. It's not about "destroying the sanctity of marriage" (cuz let's be honest... at a 50%+ divorce rate, we've pretty much lost it already), but making sure that all people have the same types of rights to the ones they love. Without the right to marry, presently those rights simply do not exist. In my search for more information and others opinions while I've been trying to make sense of all this, I have received several emails from some of these good friends, and I decided to share a couple.

"Denying people who love each other the right to get married does not question the sanctity of marriage. It enforces the values of marriage. Commitment, love, and happiness, a right everyone should be able to enjoy which should be guaranteed to anyone no matter what your sexual orientation, or gender. Also as an American in this country, it is not fair to deny me my rights as a human to marry the person I love because of religious practice that is ingrained into this society. There really is no valid reason why I am being denied my freedom." – Aaron

"If I want to join into a union with someone I love, I want to have the same rights under the law that a straight couple has. It's about the RIGHTS not about what they call it, or the religious aspects. For the gay couple who have been together for 50 years only to not be allowed to visit each other in the hospital or who have to PROVE something to jump in the back of the ambulance with their loved one... THATS what it's about for me." –Josh

“I think that our country was formed to give our citizens freedom, and so I wouldn't vote for anything that diminishes that.” –Carol

“"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" -Jeff

“As a person, gay or straight notwithstanding, I am expected to work or contribute in some way to society, pay bills, vote, etc so why shouldn't I be afforded the same rights along with the same responsibilities as everyone else? Proposition 8 just breaks my heart and frustrates the hell out of me because I don't see a lot of logic in it, just discrimination and hatred.” -Adam

Now, tell me how I am supposed to look into the eyes of these people who I care about and tell them that I would vote against their ability to share in the same rights as I will someday have the opportunity to enjoy? I look forward to spending my life with the one I love, and they only do the same.

To Prop 8 fanatics: It's so easy to talk big game about the sin of homosexuality and how the destruction of the world is surely near if they keep getting all these rights and how we should drop everything to devote all we have to making sure they never have the right to marry. Do you really know these people? Have you ever been faced with the decision of choosing your religion (since that's what everyone is telling you it comes down to) and telling your own family and friends that your religion, which you value so deeply, is commanding you to take a stand AGAINST them? Maybe your stance would still be for Proposition 8 from a purely religious standpoint, and I respect that. But perhaps you would approach it from a different angle. Perhaps support it in a bit of sorrow, rather than so much gloating.

VEGASSSSS

2008-10-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give a quick update while I have the internet for a few minutes. I'm currently in Las Vegas for work (that's right, how grown up does THAT sound?!?) but I'll be back on Wednesday. At the top of the priority list upon my return include:

1) mass retalliation regarding Proposition 8 drama that has been building up on my facebook while ive been away. i just caught sight of the bulk of the drama this evening, and i am OVERFLOWING with response. im giving myself a few days to think it over so i dont say anything rash, although no promises to how calm the end product will actually come across.

2) go get a Gold's Gym pass. i have just been informed its only $9 a month for Orange Soda employees. heck yessssssss

3) plan my nextttt trip to vegas

Yeah, I guess that's pretty much it. I thought the list would be longer, but I guess my life is pretty easy these days. Anyways, just wanted you to know I am alive, and also send out a minor press release that MY LIFE IS AWESOME. Seriously, you should be jealous of me.

one of those boring political ones THAT YOU SHOULD READ

2008-10-02T21:04:00.001-07:00

It's official, my new job is rad.

Sadly, I missed Sushi tonight. This makes 2 weeks in a row, and I dont know how much longer my body will hold up without it. I missed Taco Tuesday anddd Sushi Thursday. What is this world coming to?

Caught the last half of the VP Debate tonight. Goodness I love politics. Not much makes me happier than a classic debate with real facts and tactful class. Props to Biden and Palin for displaying both. I was impressed by both of them (although I'm not going to lie... I'm mega crushin on Biden about now.) Some of you may have noticed that my Obama obsessions have toned down a little bit in recent posts. Let me explain. This does not mean in any way that my love for Obama has diminished. In fact, Biden's showing tonight really just made me like their ticket even more. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll even be going to Colorado to help with some campaigning. So, why less blogging and less obsessing over the big D's then?

Let's face it, I was a bit obsessed. The only problem with being obsessed with something is that... you're obsessed with it. It's harder to see and accept outside opinions and it's harder to find faults in the things you believe in. I'm all about being open minded, and being a fanatical Democrat doesn't help anything or anyone, not even me. I don't want people to ever think I support particular candidates just because I am a registered Democrat or that I'm too intense one way or the other to respect another opinion.

The fact of the matter is that I just generally tend to sway more liberal in most respects. It's truly difficult for me to think from other sides because I believe what I believe so strongly. I dont know if that's making any sense at all or if I'm able to portray what I'm wanting to. Basically I'm just saying that because I'm so opinionated and passionate about some issues it's really hard for me to think any other way. BUT I realize this is a major fault so I'm trying to correct it. I want to always be open to alllll ways of thinking, and respect everyone for how they think, even if it's completely opposite of what I believe. SO, even though I truly LOVE and fully support the Obama-Biden ticket, I also fully respect John McCain and Sarah Palin and all of their political efforts. Sure, I don't like their policies, Palin drives me nuts, and I don't like listening to McCain for longer than 5 minutes at a time, BUT- I still fully respect them and know they just want what they think is best for America, just like every other good politician.

So, cheers to me for trying to be less psycho. Weekly political rant, complete.

PS: If my back screen door creaks open and shut one more freakin time I'm going to pee my pants. WHY IS MY HOUSE SO CREEPY?!?

PPS: Kristen AND Afton AND Janessa are alllllll going to be in town this weekend. WOOT WOOT.

PPPS: I'm getting my car tomorrow (YAY), but I'm still in search of a good bike. Mine was stolen by the University Villa devil crew this summer, and I'm needin a replacement. Any leads?

looking upppppppp

2008-10-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

OK, major apologies for the last post. I was obviously not very happy, and unfortunately took it out on the poor keyboard. I felt used, abused, and mostly poor. And feeling poor is probably one of the worst feelings everrrrr.

But in a fantastic turn of events.........I GOT A JOB.

Like a real one. The type where you go every day, they pay you the same amount every month (so you can actually budget- sweeeeet), you get a few paid weeks off, and you get a business card (ok, no guarantees on that one, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed). I'll be working as a Marketing Events Coordinator at Orange Soda, an online marketing company in American Fork. I have been super impressed by the company, and my job description sounds fantastic. I feel like it's the type of company that actually cares about their employees (crazy concept, i know) so that will be a great change. I can't wait to get started-- I really don't think it's possible to express how completely HAPPPPPPPPPY I am about it. Who would have thought that such a frustrating week could end so well? YAYYYYYYYY.

danger zone. you have been warned.

2008-09-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

Screw trying to be positive. I don't remember being this deeply frustrated for a long time, and I need some sort of venting mechanism. I tried punching a wall, but it turns out that hurts REAL bad. So since this is my blog, you'll just have to deal with it. Prepare for some serious capital letters and a fair share of curses.

WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS COMPANY PULLS THIS KIND OF STINT?!?! This morning, after 2 weeks of continal promises that we'll "be back to work tomorrow", work was cancelled AGAIN. I woke up with complete optimism and walked myself across town, only to find an EMPTY office. Surprise, surprise.

Of course I was pissssssssed all over again, but the magic of the day had just barely begun. Finally I get a call that the company has another call center doing collections and I could come work there until our calls were up and running. Great news, right?! Yeah, until I found out that THEY WERE OPEN ALL ALONG and they could have had me come to this office for the past freaking 2 weeks. A different department, of course, but at least it's a freakin JOB. And then on top of that, the employees were all sworn to secrecy about their pay because they knew that once we found out how much these freakin idiots were making, we'd be pissed and want to leave the Sales department.

WELL DUH. But feeling lied to and taken advantage of makes me want to leave so much less. So they kept this whole call center a secret and instead kept us unemployed, all in fear we'd experience the land of great commissions and never return. SELFISH BASTARDS.

TWO AND A HALF YEARS with this damn company. Ive driven across the entire country TWICE for them, I've worked as an admin and a summer sales rep and their TOP SALES REP for all the time inbetween. And then they go and open a whole new division with higher commissions and DONT FREAKIN TELL ME ABOUT IT, just because they're too selfish to give up an employee or two that actually makes them some money.

Maybe they could work on making the sales center NOT SUCK and actually train their employees so they all can become good salespeople so they dont have to cling to the competent ones. Maybe they could hire good managers who actually know what the hell they are doing. Maybe they could stop buying so many freakin Hummers and fatty houses and trickle a little of that money down the line to their dedicated employees. Maybe they could ASK their employees for input so they dont implement stupid pitches and policies that DONT WORK and just lose them money and waste them time.

But that would just be too difficult and too smart, wouldn't it.

Moral of the story: DO NOT EVER WORK FOR INFINITI CORP.

for the love of lists

2008-09-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

Rather than use my blog as a source for venting, which is what I reallllly feel like doing right now, I have decided to enlist the power of THE SECRET in my life and focus on the positive for a little while. So, here's a list of a few things that make me happppppppy.

I LOVE...

my new house

thinking about Uganda

my roommates (and friends)

my sister

Dish Network. and selling it.

knowing what it's like to have an overabundance of free time

being productive

running

air conditioning

my new car! (which i have yet to view in person)

shows

pictures. taking, looking.

Macs. i rarely admit this.

chocolate

Africa reunions

frozen yogurt

the internet

sushi

the Ellen show

adventures

the hunt resumes

2008-09-22T12:49:00.001-07:00

This is my 4th day off in a row..... AND I'M NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT.

It's really frustrating when a company you have been working for for over 2 years can just screw you over whenever they feel like it. Not only does this make the whole money sitch just that much worse, I really am out of ideas on what to do with all this free time.

When I was going to school, this much time off would have been a major blessing. I would have killed for a few extra hours to just relax or actually study or go visit a friend or even just clean my room. But, now that my life consists only of work, I'm left without much to do when it is taken away from me. So, here I am on campus (cuz that's what cool college grads do, obviously) job searching away in the computer lab. I need a second job, or a replacement job, or maybe even a REAL job to occupy more of my time. Free time kills me.

On a more optimistic note, this weekend was great. Joshua James concert, dance party, HELP reunion, playing with Alyssa and Thad, my new ward, hanging with Leesh, and a dessert party. Looking back I guess it was pretty jam packed... all the things I like best about Provo in one lovely weekend. As an update, I'm loving the new house and my new roommates-- it seems to have been a fantastic pick.

OH and it rained this morning and felt so Seattle-ish I was tempted to run away to the northwest and never return. As much as I lovvve summer, I'm getting a little excited to pull out the sweater box. BRING ON THE FALL.

Why is Thad so cute? This boy kills me.

food for thought

2008-09-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

The first step — especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money — the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art. -Chuck Palahniuk

zeeee hairrrrrr

2008-09-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Asked for a trim, got a chop. Surprisingly falling in love with it rather rapidly.....

(but don't worry lengthy locks, you will return. and this time i'll take much better care of you so i never have to chop off all your nasty dead ends again...)

340 N 200 E

2008-09-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

Announcement: Chrissy is no longer homeless!!!!!!!!!!

Andddd I'm officially staying in Provo. Finding a house around here is a major pain (especially when you wait until the middle of September), but I finally found a winner. I'll be the first to admit that the inside is a bit ghetto ... But, since my life is pretty ghetto as a whole right now, I probably won't notice.

They're finishing the new paint and carpet on the inside this week, so I get to move in on SATURDAY. As fun as it's been living on Leesh's couch (thank you dearly, sister dear), it's time to give her and her poor roommates their living room back.

Also, one of the main amenities of the house includes a larggggge paved parking lot in the back. Since getting a car is still in the works, it is useless to me OTHERRRRR than the fact that it is a PERFECT PARTY VENUE. If only last year's house + this year's back yard could be combined... Someday I will design such a house for myself. Anyways, this is just a heads up that as long as my roommates are cool, 340 N 200 E will be hosting a few lil shindigs this year.

But until that fact is verified, I'll just be unpacking and settling in. Visitors are always welcome. Last but not least, a special thanks to everyone that has offered me their couch during this lovely transition period. You're all the bestttttttttt.

recooperation and rentals

2008-09-10T07:59:00.001-07:00

I've kind of been in a funk since I got home, and only barely starting to emerge from it. I haven't felt like myself at allll, and have just felt tired and boring and lame (and extremely sick) all the time. I think a lot of it was due to jetlag, combined with a minor case of malnutrition obtained in Uganda. Now as I slowly get my schedule back on track, eat a better diet (actually including protein now... its amazing), and get back into a routine, I've been feeling MUCH better. I'm still going to the Doctor tomorrow, just for a routine make-sure-I-didn't-acquire-any-fatal-diseases checkup, but I'm pretty sure he's gonna tell me more of the same... get plenty of rest and make sure you eat a well balanced diet. Boring. Also, if there's some equivalent to post-tramautic stress disorder that's related to 'post-coolest-trip-of-your-life' disorder, I probably have that too. I miss Africa!

As the jet lag diminishes, my bleak view of life brightens, and I'm beginning to remember how great my life really is. I'm car, house, and job hunting... which it turns out I'm not very good at. I can do one at a time pretty well, but all three together just boggles my brain and I don't feel like I'm very productive. It probably doesn't help that I'm still unsure if I should be in Provo or not, so I find it hard to commit to a contract. I've been praying like crazy about it, but the heavens haven't seemed to open with a direct answer yet, so I guess we'll see. I tend to get answers with slam in your face NOs, or the path is cleared YESs. Sooo I guess I better just do what I think is best, and I'll get a face slam if I'm wrong. It's been a while since I was on the ask-God-first track, so I'm off in unfamiliar territories right now. I like it though, I feel a lot safer in my decision making.

That's pretty much it for now, but I'll be better about posting more, I promise!

Homeward Bound

2008-09-03T13:41:00.001-07:00

So, I'm officially home and back to Provo. Hopefully you have been keeping track of me at my other blog while I've been in Africa. If not- don't worry I'm still alive. I got home Wednesday night, tried to get over jet lag on Thursday, and then started work on Friday. After work Leesh, Aaron, and I decided to hop in Leesh's new car and head home for the weekend. I forget how much I LOVE roadtrips. At about 2am Aaron handed the wheel over to me, and Leesh and I drove and partied for the rest of the night while he slept in the back.

The following is evidence of what happens when you have severe jetlag, have just stayed up all night (for the 3rd time this week), and then induce a SEVERE caffeine overdose upon yourself. Bad news.

We drove straight to my Dad's house and hung out with him for a few hours, which was lots of fun. He and Adam made us breakfast and I got to meet Adam and check out their apartment for the first time. A+ to both first encouters. I'm glad that both p-rents live in the same state again.. makes dual visiting much easier.

Next step... SILVERWOOD on no sleep. Wouldn't really recommend it, but we still had a blast! I forget how amazing that place is. It's like a mini Disneyland swarming with Pacific Northwest white trash. If you ever feel the need to see an abundance of mullets, jedi braids at record lengths, and underclothed overweight people, Silverwood is definitely the place to go. It was fun to just have a full day hanging out with the whole family and all the long lines gave us an abundance of chill time. Unfortunatly by the time we went out for dinner afterwards my brain was the equivalent of fried eggs. Others compared it to watching someone come down off a heroine high... call it as you wish. The point is I fell asleep on the Applebee's table and others had to translate my order for the waitress. Again, bad news.

Sunday was our family's SIX YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Go us.

Now I'm back to Provo in pursuit of a house, a car, and a real job. Leads in any area would be much appreciated. Really that's all the update I have at this moment, but I'm sure I'll be back with more soon.

And if you ever want to make me REALLLLLY happy, deprive me of caesar salad for 7 weeks and then provide me with a giant plate of it, free of charge. It will always make me smile THIS BIG.

Tribute to Summer, Part 1

2008-07-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my lovvvvvers for a fabulous summer.

This blog gets a breather for the next 2 months, so in the meantime, find me HERE.

xoxo.... see ya soon!

you so white..

2008-07-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

Work is getting prettttttttty boring lately, so Aaron decided to liven it up a bit by writing his own joke book. Although I can't promise him true joke book author status, I did tell him I'd include them in my blog instead.

The latest:

"Girl you so white if you fell from a building and splattered on the ground folks would think you were bird poop"

"You so white when black people see you comin they run cuz they think it's the KKK"

"You so white little kids come up and ask if they can sign your body cast"

Yeahhh like I said. Work is pretttttty boring lately...

sweet, sweet domesticity

2008-06-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

My last entry was supposed to be a pity-post that I left up until everybody felt bad and commented the heck out of it................ but I have no patience and I have to do a new one. With Annalicia and Aaron being gone, it's left me with quite the plethora of free time (oh yes, i mean plethora).

I miss them like crazy, but I've tried to pass the time quickly by being productive and getting as much done as possible. I finally went running a few times over the last few days, the house is spotless, I'm completely packed (I realize I don't leave for 9 days, but the excitement is killin me!), yesterday I went to the Farmer's Market, and I even went and layed by the pool and swam for a while.

So now it's Sunday, and I was trying to figure out what to do with my last 10 hours of seclusion. (Wait, go to church, you say? At my (much hated) ward? Alone? As if...) So I decided to put Annalicia's sewing machine to the test.

My dear, dear parents have provided me with a new camera for the trip (which is on it's way south with Leesh right now!) and I decided I needed to figure out how to protect it well. I'm notorious for losing, breaking, and dropping all things electronic, particularly my string of cameras in the past few years. One of my new goals is to take better care of my stuff, so I went to work at the ultra-mega protectant camera case. Unfortunately the sewing machine busted within the first 5 minutes (easy fix, I'm sure, but I was too groggy and confused this morning to mess with it) so I just went to work with the needle and thread. What was I gonna do with the rest of the day anyways???

All in all, it's been a fun morning, and I'm pretty excited to show it off. Here is the final product:

I'm not the biggest fan of the wriststrap, but I had to make due with my limited supply stash this morning. I think I will work on replacing it this week. But, it is reversible and packed with stuffing on every side, so if (heaven forbid) it DOES drop, hopefully the lining will take some of the heat. It's been a while since I've sewed, and actually I forgot how much I like it. Afton's got nothin on me!!! (just kidding, just kidding. Afton is basically the best sewer ever and I am super envious of her skills. She makes like.... REAL stuff. I hope to someday reach her level of mother-readiness)

I also made a little throw pillow for my upcoming trip. Nothing fancy, but honestly the angle doesn't really do it justice. It's actually pretty cute, I promise. It's nice and simple, and will be easy to tote across the world (literally, as it's going to take 44 hours and 4 layovers to actually GET to my destination).

Well, now that I'm hooked on this new sewing concept and more awake than before, I think I'll go see what I can do about the sewing machine. Turns out it's a LOT faster than hand stitching everything, so I don't think I'm up for another project until it's back in commission.

Am I taking crazy pills here...

2008-06-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Or did everyone just disappear off of the blogging planet?!? I don't know whether it's that people are hiding out and reading without sendin lovins (aka where are my comments???), I've suddenly gotten super boring so nobody bothers checking my page anymore, or if blogging just got lame overnight and I didn't even know it.

What is going on here?

Warning: I am a creepster

2008-06-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

SPECIAL SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: I WORK WITH THE BYU QUARTERBACK. anddddd several players (although im not sure their names yet).

So the truth is, I don't deeply care about BYU Football, and haven't watched a game in like 2 years. I haven't even talked to him yet (despite the fact he sits only 2 cubicles down). BUT, it just seems like one of those things you can brag about. Maybe not as cool as meeting Angelina Jolie's nanny or marrying a prophet's Grandkid or something.....

But helllllllllllllllllo here. I WORK WITH MAX HALL.

(if he walks by while im writing this post, and sees HIS OWN PICTURE on my screen, i will be the most embarrassed person ever. how do you explain a situation like that? at least it's not a covert operation picture i snuck OF HIM with a cell phone or something... is google-image stalking less invasive than cell-phone sneaks? new survey question.)

Yupp. That's him on the left. BOO-YAH. Beat that.

the bestest in the westest

2008-06-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an awesome day. Easily one of the best of the entire summer. For starters, my morning boss is out of town for the week, so work is nice and stress-free. Then after being at I-Satellite for about 5 minutes.... they sent us all home. WOO HOOO!!! Free day without even having to feel guilty about it. So, to celebrate the wonderful HOTTT weather we have been having, we decided to head down to the lake (yes, Utah Lake, despite rumors of it being unbearably disgusting. turns out it's not so bad). We blew up one of Aaron's rafts, the 3 of us jumped on (yeah, remember how i have no other friends? of COURSE it was leesh and aaron), and rowed on out. Basically we layed on the raft and fried and swam and fried and layed out some more. It felt so good to get to play in the water!!! After 2 months straight of being cooped up in office buildings, it was nice to get some real sun. We're all a bit burnt today, but within a few days it will be a nice, golden tan, I'm sure...

After revamping at the house for a while, we decided to trade in our swim suits for hiking shoes, and head up to the mountains!!! When you get an unexpected day off, you have to take advantage of the rare freedom while you have it. So we picked this random turnoff up Provo Canyon that Aaron has always been curious about, and went exploring. Turns out there was a really cool trail going straight up a little cut out of the canyon, and straight up a stream bed. It was so gorgeous!!! The sun was setting, so the weather was perfect, and parts of the trail were actually in the stream so we got to cool off along the way. When we got back to the bottom, we just walked around the roadside and felt the wind and stared at the huge mountains.

yeahhh on the way back down i slipped and slid down this section of the stream on my butt. sweet.
i dont have any pix of the lake portion of the day, but im pretty sure leesh's bronzed body is evidence enough.

so maybe utah is pretty cool after all...

check out my chacos.... shipped, delivered, adored, tested, APPROVED.

All in all, FANTASTIC DAY!!!

if i were Catholic, this is what i'd confess:

2008-06-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

#1: I wanted to sue them. About 2 weeks ago I opened my little oatmeal packet to a lovely surprise... a huge infestation of bugs and larvae!!!! It was truly the grossest thing of my whole life. What if I had been oblivious as usual and just cooked them up and ate the whole thing??? Eughhh. *note: It was NOT Costco Organic with the bugs in them. It was an brand I will not mention here (cough... quaker...cough...) that I will no longer be eating for a while. My parents say this phenomenon of random bug appearances is normal. I say, I am NOT in Africa yet, and therefore will not tolerate bugs in my food!

#2: I bought a pair of designer jeans. Annalicia made me. But now that I have them, they were worth every penny (yup, all 10,000 of them). Citizens are officially my new favorite denims. And I wear them (almost) every day.

#3: I slept all the way there.

Leesh and I went home for Jacque and Erik's graduation (see facebook for more pictures...), and I literally slept the entire way there. In the car on the way to the airport, on the plane (thank you leesh for your lovely shoulder... and lap), and then again all the way from Seattle to Kennewick. Going home makes me miss my family, and miss us all being together all the time. Sometimes I wish we were all back in the California house just runnin around in the back yard with squirt guns, or cruisin for pajama rides in the Suburban. Growing up is weird.

#4: When my neice was born, I thought she was odd looking. But now she is adorable, so it's ok, right?

#5: I like hosting/attending/watching big parties. I just get this weird high from inviting lots of people over and then being surrounded by all of them. At this particular party (Jac and E-rock's grad party) I knew nobody but family, but just loved walking around and watching everybody. I'm such a stalker.

#6: Large crowds rejuvinate me.

I'd been feelin a bit down-and-out lately, but couldn't quite put my finger on whyyy. We decided to go to Orem SummerFest last weekend, and it was perfect. Being surrounded by thousands of strangers was just what I needed to perk up. There's just something about brushing arms with people you've never met, smiling at babies, and eating nasty fair-food that gets the endorphins pumpin.

#7: Thad is the cutest. And I am going to be a good Jesus-Mommy. I would consider staying in Provo a bit longer in the Fall just to see him every day. I think having him around will fulfill any baby-wanting urge I get over the next few years (not cuz he makes me not want to have a baby, but because having a Jesus-baby makes you forget you don't actually have one). *Note: I currently have no baby-wanting urges within my soul. The only reason I mention this is cuz I hear those start to surface around age 21 or 22. Is this a viscious rumor?

#8: Sometimes I actually think it's funny that he can nevvvvver keep a straight face for photographs. A normal smile? He truly just can't do it.

#9: I'm going to miss my sister bunches and bunches when I leave. In a mere 18 days. And wish her luck. On her Californian adventures.

#10: I am a peacock.

the end.

Ebay Madness

2008-06-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

I know that none of this display-of-what-I-bought stuff is interesting to anyone else but probably me... but I'm just so excited about this new addiction that I can't help but show off the goods. So, I've never had an Mp3 player before- no Ipod, no generic version, no Zune, nothing. They've always seemed overpriced, and frankly a bit unnecessary. I never wanted to be one of them walking around with headphones comin out of my head all the time (no offense to those of you who tote around the ipods. really i'm just jealous). Sometimes I like to just celebrate the silence, ya know??

BUT I finally got curious, broke down and searched them out on ebay... which inevitably lead me to an entertaining full scale bid war with some stranger in cyber-space. And the good news is... I WON!!! I figured I'm going to want one for the mega trip to Uganda (umm yeahhh 40 hours in planes and airports. sweet), and it will also be handy to store up pictures and videos. I ended up getting a 30 gig Zune, sleek black, barely used, and coming my way in a short 3 days...

Oh, and thanks to Zune's new unlimited pass options, I'll be able to enjoy ALLLLLLL the music I want (as in any song, any time), at a mere $15 a month. Yay.

eager beaver

2008-06-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hmm lucky pair #2. Retail: $105 Ebay: $36. Go team.

I almost felt stupid about the accidental 2nd pair.... but then realized that I can't exactly wear the SAME pair of sandals every day for 7 weeks, right?!? So really I just saved my feet and a whole lot of cash, because I got BOTH pairs for less than the price of just one. (yes, as we all know I am an expert justifier. let me be.)

Now let's just pray that they both fit...

the new frontier

2008-06-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

I just made my very first Ebay purchase!!!! I have to put my Reef flips aside for a few weeks while I'm in Uganda (because they aren't the safest for Nile rafting and jungle hiking..) UT I need a pair of Teva's and/or Chaco's, which current volunteers say they wear alllllll the time. SO I dove into the online world, and got myself a pair of shiny Teva's.

Retail: $80. My price: $16

I can see how this could become a major addiction..........

(Side note: I also bid on a pair of ridiculously underpriced Chaco's right before, thinking I'd quickly be outdone, and then found these Teva's anyways. Few hours later, and I'm still the highest bidder. 2 more hours, and I might just have myself a pair of Chaco's as well. OOPS. But cut me a little slack, I'm still new at this thing....)

the grand top ten

2008-06-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

Latest on the homefront

-Our new apartment is rad, despite the perpetual pile of cereal bowls in the kitchen sink

-Leesh and I live by ourselves (with no narker rooommates) and each have our own rooms... although we end up sleeping together the majority of the time

-We never see Aaron, and he never stays over (that's a lie... he's like our other half. if 3 halves can make a whole...)

-Work is the same. As in I literally do the exact same thing. All day long. Every day. And then talk about DVR's and HBO in my sleep. It's frightening.

-I leave for Africa in less than 5 weeks.

-Leesh and I are going home for Erik and Jacque's graduation this weekend. We leave THURSDAY MORNING!!!!!!!!! Oh how I miss my little hoodlums.

-The above statement is most exciting for the fact that I haven't been outside of Utah since school started in January. That's pathetic. I need OUT.

-Our new ward is intensely friendly. Also slightly judgmental. Weirdo combo, I know.

-Lately Leesh, Aaron, and I fall into these deep intellectual/spiritual/metaphysical conversations on a regular basis and it gets the brain wheels turnin. It's definitely a change from my normal shallow thinking of the past few months, but I like it.

-Obama officially has the Democratic nomination (well you know.. unofficially officially). HELL YEAH.

AFRICA BOUND

2008-06-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

OFFICIALLY BOOKED.

I'm more excited than these Ugandan dancers themselves.

Departure: Tuesday July 8th 12:50pm from SLC

Land: Thursday July 10th 2:30pm in Entebbe, UGANDA

with stops in: Houston, United Arab Emirates (guess who's roamin the streets of Dubai for 12 hours?!?!), and Ethiopia.

My life is basically amazing.

Staying a grand total of 7 weeks, so I will return to grand ole America on Wed Aug 27th.

All further Africa-related updates can be found on my other blog, found here. And tomorrow I will make a real update, which may or may not be a cool one. For now I'm going to clock out, and celebrate.

the legend of the laceration

2008-05-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

One lovely Friday evening, three friends decided they would go to the Hot Springs up the canyon. It had been a long and busy week, so lounging around in scorching water seemed like a wonderful idea (ok, in all honesty Chrissy realllly didnt want to go because she was struggling with stomach-ache-of-death, but she quickly caved after seeing the excitement on Annalicia and Aaron's faces) ***note, in saying I didnt want to go, I am in NO WAY shifting blame for the remainder of the evening onto any of the other party members.

So they hopped in the truck and drove on up to the Hot Springs in Midway. The picture below is not technically the ones we were at, but is merely a mile away. Therefore, the setting and visual are fairly accurate. They were having a wonderful time....... until terrible tragedy struck!!! Aaron stepped onto a jagged stick and cut his foot open!!! At first we thought it was merely a scrape, so Annalicia and Chrissy slowly made their way out of the water. By the time they emerged, they realized this was serious business. Not only was Aaron's face pale and voice panicked, but there was blood everywhere!!! So we jumped into the truck, and drove to the hospital. Unfortunately Chrissy barely knew how to drive stick, Annalicia had no idea where we were, and Aaron was slipping in and out of consciousness. All in all, NOT the best combination! But have no fear, the lovely 911 operators were very helpful, and Chrissy miraculously drove the truck to the hospital (in record speed) without stalling even once.

They sat around in the hospital for a while... and were all pretty proud to be sportin their scantily clad swimming get-ups. Hmmm nothin like hangin out in the emergency room in your swimsuit! Classy, eh?

What they thought would be a late night in the ER for a few stitches, quickly turned into a whole weekend (slash summer) affair. Apparently that stick was a mean one! It cut a 5 inch gash in the bottom of his foot, and through 90% of his big toe tendon. So the doctors sent them home for the night and scheduled Aaron for surgery at noon on Saturday.

As you can see, Aaron was well taken care of during his time at Utah Valley Medical Center, Room 488. (Sarah and Chrissy actually performed the surgery. If he limps for the rest of his life, it is NOT their fault...)

When Aaron is high, he has a weird fascination with ice. Not only does he like eating it, but also throwing it. Chrissy recieved a few ice chunks to the face, followed by Aaron laughing like a mad man.
All in all, it was a longggggg day at the hospital, and a pretty crazy 24 hours. They finished off the event with goodies from Applebee's, and a new set of crutches for Aaron.

And THAT is the legend of the laceration.

temporary grumpiness

2008-05-19T18:40:00.001-07:00

Today is frustrating. Provo has been driving me absolutely nutty lately... specifically based on two specific events of the last two days. Right when I start thinking Utah mighhht just be tolerable, people have to go and be incredibly lame and ruin it all. Needless to say, I'd like out NOW. OK wait, let me clarify- Utah itself is great. The weather has been improving and I love the sunshine, and I like the mountains and hikes and lakes and grass. The people (ok, a few people) in their self righteous-butt-into-everyone's-life attitude have about sent me over the edge!

To top off the wonderfulness, the air conditioner in the office is broken so I've been cooped in an attic for the past 8 hours. Extremely tired (weekend recovery mode), no windows, no ventilation. 88 degrees. My head feels like it may explode. Maybe I can think of it as Africa training? Or maybe it's to help me appreciate the first 4 hours of the day at my morning job where the AC is sooo high I have to wear a sweater. Usually I whine about it a little in my head, but tomorrow I will do nothing but appreciate. That's what the bad things are for, right? Help us appreciate the good... or something...

I promise to post more later tonight after I have a good glass of fruit juice in my system, and have returned to my air-conditioned refuge. Room temperature seems to play a surprisingly large affect on my mood.

The Month of Movies

2008-05-15T07:13:00.001-07:00

21: Who knew that Jim Sturgess could still be hot without his lovely British accent? The concept of using your super nerd skills to go make millions of dollars was pretty captivating, and the fact that it's based on a true story only added to the excitement. Kevin Spacey turns out to be a real jerk, which was disheartening...but then again, when is he not crazy or jerkish? Rarely.

Fool's Gold: As silly as it was at some points, I can never really get enough of the Kate Hudson/ Matthew Mcconaughey dynamic. Ultimately they can save any ridiculous plot line for me. However, if they ever make another movie as cheezy as this again, I'm boycotting them forever. Worth the dollar I spent, but I probably won't be watching it again.

Never Back Down: I promised Aaron we could watch a boy movie this time... and a boy movie it was. Don't get me wrong- I'm all about blood and fights and crazy people (seeing as Fight Club is my favorite movie, after all). However, this one was a little bit over the top. Terrible acting, combined with a too-cliche high school plot, made for a pretty ridiculous experience.

Iron Man: Not just your average action movie. I was kind of dreading it... but since it was part of our double-feature experience, I justified it by saying I was really only spending 4 dollars instead of the usual 8. Turns out it was actually reallllllly good-- by far my favorite superhero flick in a very long time. Great plot, good acting (well, we all know Robert Downey Jr can be a litttttle over the top sometimes), steady pace, good action sequences, AND based around modern politics. Could there be a better combo? I think not.

What Happens in Vegas: SO GOOD!!! The previews made it look funny, but sometimes previews show allll the funny parts, leaving you with nothing when you finally see it. This one however, was continually hilarious. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz make a cute little couple, and I always find entertainment in watching psychotic drunk people. Also, a surprisingly cute (can I dare say, wholesome) take on marriage.

We Own the Night: Typical Cops v Russian drug lords flick. Interesting, great acting, but an overall slowwww moving plot. It finally picks up at the end, but by then the moment has passed. Joaquin Phoenix is surprisingly tolerable, Mark Wahlberg plays a boring and static character, and Eva Mendes is lookin smokin hot! I'd say it was worth the trip to Redbox, though wouldn't particularly recommend it unless you're reallllly into Russian drug lords.

nomadic business

2008-05-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

My office is big and quiet and mostly empty, with the exception of Bright Eyes rollin on Pandora, and the occasional sneak peak at last week's episode of Grey's. Yesterday I was slammed at work, and as stressful as it can be, I often prefer it to the long affairs of denim on cotton padding, where I just sit and stare and wish for something more important to do.

All that I can wish for in a future career is something that matters. I just want to matter- to someTHING or to someONE. I mean, I suppose I make life a little easier for my boss, so I must matter a little. I mean, how would he ever make all those copies by himself? And at I-Sat I'm sure lots of people are extremely grateful that I introduced Dish Network into their lives. How did they ever live with regular analog cable before the days of free DVR and an interactive menu???

I think I may go to China next year. Afton, Libby, and I were all brainstorming about it... and I think I might really be serious about it. If they are not, they should probably back down now- cuz once I start planning I can get a little out of control. But basically there is this program that pays you to go teach and live there. They pay half your plane ticket for staying a semester (and the whole thing for a whole year... but I think I'm only up for a mini session for now), all of your housing while you are there, cover most food expenses, AND provide a salary every month. PLUS you can live with your friends and teach at the same school. Umm.. amazing, maybe?

It wouldn't be until February of next year so I can't be getting all crazy about it just yet or anything. But I just think it could be SO COOL. Plus- if I went to Europe in 2007, Africa in 2008, and then Asia in 2009... I would probably be like the coolest person ever. K, not quite-- but I would be one step closer to all my big dreams and aspirations (number 1 being visit every continent by the time I am 30).

It's like I want to see EVERYTHING for a brief landscape, and then take all the little bits and pieces from all the different places and things I experience, and then form them all together to figure out exactly where I fit into all of it, and what I'm supposed to do with my life. The truth is I'm just not ready to settle down, not ready to buckle into a career. Really just not ready to face the fact I'm growing up I suppose. I enjoy being older and having more freedom and more responsibility and all that... I mean it's not like I want to stay a kid forever. Maybe it's not so much that I don't want to grow up- it's that I don't want to just fall into the status quo of what growing up usually means. I don't mean the getting married and having a (real) job part.. I fully anticipate that eventually I will do both. But I just don't want a normal family, or a normal job, or to live in a normal little house in the suburbs. So for now, I'm perfectly content with just continuing the journey of a nomad.

In the meantime, any suggestions for September-January? No reason that the traveling interim can't become a little adventure of its own. Requests or recommendations?

my least favorite chore

2008-05-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

CHRISSY: So somehow i made it through the whole semester doing only like... 6 loads of laundry. And i spread it out at different friend's houses <cuz my friends are rad>, so i never even paid for it. Which is sweet. But still.. 6 seems like so little, ya know?

ANNALICIA: Yeah, but you've like never been about doing laundry, so it's just like your thing.

C: My thing? What is that even supposed to mean? Like my thing is to not wash my clothes?

A: Well yeah... it's just always been that way. Like even before college. Mom and I talked about it one time. Like how you don't ever have much laundry.

C: Wait- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? People notice this??? <'this' being the fact I'm a cheapskate and want to avoid paying countless quarters for a few extra loads, and hate buying shirts to replace ones that wear out quick due to washing too much (as I wear my 7+year old T from Paris, that I JUST realized has only lasted so long cuz I rarely wash it)>

...pause, as I incur some serious introspection...

Well... do I like.. SMELL?

A: Nooo. Well, <pause> not like a B.O. smell or anything... just like... a human smell.

C: A HUMAN smell? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? What do humans smell like? Is that like the equivalent to animal smell on your clothes? Cuz that's extremely disgusting. OH MY GOSH I can't believe I have a human smell!

A: No seriously... it's not like a bad thing. You don't smell like you need to shower or something. You just have a distinct smell. Like someone who doesn't wash every shirt every time you wear it. Like just... the smell of wearing clothes. Like... just like a HUMAN.

...

Can anyone else PLEASE weigh in on this? I mean we all know someone who has like that smell... maybe good, maybe bad; but just like a smell you identify all their stuff and their house and their clothes with. I've always tried to avoid being one of those people- by taking care of simple things like showering <almost> every day, keeping my house <almost> clean, taking the garbage out, and not wearing the same lotions every single day. I guess I just totally discounted the persistent washing of every shirt as being part of that prevention process. I am truly mortified.

Needless to say, I will be doing a LOT of laundry this week. Please excuse me while I go round up some quarters...

may day

2008-05-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

My friend supply is slowly dwindling down... and it's quite depressing! I guess it is probably for the best since I don't have much time during the days anyways... but it is still sad! I will try to be better about this whole blogging thang over the summer since it will actually be a keep-in-touch mechanism, rather than just babbling about everything that everybody actually knows about.

I started working full time , and so far, so good! Basically I work from 8 to 8, with an hour inbetween there somewhere to get me from Job A to Job B <yes, the bus really DOES take a full hour to transverse the distance>. Then I have approximately 4 hours to myself before it's time to shower and sleep. Cool, huh??? Actually it's not too bad... I'm blessed with sweet jobs so it's really not the worstest. AND it's all for a good cause....

because I'm officially GOING TO UGANDA THIS SUMMER!!!

I was a bit late on the bandwagon, so I'm very behind on fundraising and earning money. I figure if I work every possible second of the summer, I can cover costs on my own. That way, all additional fundraising money I get will be extra, meaning I can actually put some work money into savings .

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT UGANDA!!! Anyone who knows me at all (ok, everyone who actually reads this) knows that I have wanted to do this for SO LONG. In the past it's just never worked out or been the right timing... so I'm really praying that this time is it. As apprehensive as a I am sometimes (just based on fundage and timing and job hunting and all that) I really think that I need to just GO FOR IT this time, and push everything else aside. My heart truly aches to go there, to help in some way-- ANY way. Everytime I look at pictures or videos of some of the atrocities going on in Africa, I can't help but well up and cry for a minute. I know that sounds ridiculously sappy, but it really is true. It's something so dear to me, that it has become more than an obsession-- it's like a life calling. SO, guess it's about that time, eh??? Anyone with fundraising ideas, PLEASE SHARE because I'm in desperate need of some guidance.

Since my camera was never recovered post-krishna festival, I have become a bit of a bandit in stealing pictures from other's computers and facebook. Since it's been a while since I posted some quality pix, I figured I'd put some up to wrap up senior year. Please forgive the fact that you've probably already seen them on facebook, or maybe even on your own camera. So, special thanks to all the other photographers out there, since right now I can't be one ...

rasta party

salt flatsben foldsdancin

graduation

the parentspadremy lifesavers

the end

alleged alumni

2008-04-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

WE ARE THE CUTEST!!! Ok, actually we have MUCH cuter ones than this (in fact this was our worst. girls-please don't kill me) Right now I only have access to phone pix so my selection is rather limited, but I just wanted to prove that WE GRADUATED!!!!!!! Best day ever. Details to follow...

my B.F, Ben Folds

2008-04-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

Obama lost Pennsylvania. Damnit. Don't even worry though, he stilllll has the lead.

In happy news, WE ARE GOING TO BEN FOLDS TONIGHT!!! See Ben Folds, AND contribute to Care for Cambodia... how sweet of a dual-mission is that? Basically Ben Folds is the bomb-diggity, and his openers are pretty radical as well. Full report to follow.

pushin pennsylvanians

2008-04-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

I realize it's been a while since I've talked much about main man Barack Obama, but don't worry- that doesn't mean I love him any less. Today is the Pennsylvania primaries. Who would have thought their votes would ever matter. Not that they really do this time either; they're already saying it's too close to declare a winner based on exit polls. BUMMER. I had a dream the other night that Hillary was finally just like "you know what? Obama is freakin AWESOME and i'm droppin out so he can win President!!!" <yes, some people do actually fantasize over such things to the point of dreaming about them>. Sadly, I woke up and she is stilll around. I really hope tonight is some determinant of what the future will hold. The longer they mess around, the greater lead McCain gains as he has more time to focus on the main campaign. I'm starting to get stressed out!!!

Obama made a comment last week that stole a bit of his momentum... I hate how everybody blows things WAY out of proportion in politics. Everybody's definitely good at the bullshit game, that's for sure (maybe that's why I'm so into politics? ) Anyways, he made some comments stating that poor people tend to turn to religion and ethnic ties (leading to nationalism and racism) in the wake of poverty. In fact, here it is in full for you:

"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in
the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years. … And it’s not surprising
then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who
aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to
explain their frustrations”- Barack Obama

Ummmm DUH! It seemed so obviously true to me, yet McCain and Clinton tried to turn it around and say he was being an elitist. Aside from all the obvious reasons I feel he is right, I also found it interesting as I was doing some Human Security studies for one of my classes that there are a few intellects who have actually already said the SAME exact thing. With research. And evidence. In fact, whole books showing that the biggest problems of the next century will be based on the fact that scarcity leads to poverty which leads to major increase in violence, ethnic conflict, and desecuralization (aka turning to religion). You can look here for a few pages of summary about Kaplan's theory (jump down to p 188). After doing some research, it turns out I'm not the only one who agrees, and they say it much better than me.

I realize that really I should include a much broader description of exactly why Obama was right, and why McCain and Clinton were wrong in misinterpreting, and why Kaplan's "The Coming Anarchy" is freakin AWESOME. But then I got lazy and wanted to just rant about it a little, and hope I proved at least a bit of a point. This guy said it real good too, so if you're super interested, you can read him for better arguments.

Well needless to say, I love Obama. I wish that I didn't have school and work and I could just run away with his campaign (let me specifically clarify: with HIS CAMPAIGN, not with HIM. ya sickos!) But alas, here I am stuck in Provo, glued to CNN. Someday......

In other news: I TAKE MY LAST FINAL OF MY UNDERGRAD CAREER IN APPROXIMATELY 30MINUTES!!! No, don't ask why I'm blogging instead of studying, and YES congratulate me because I graduate in less than 48 hours. WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

how about now?

2008-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

I think it's about time I head on over to Africa. I've only been talkin about it for the past 10 years...

why not staying in college forever sucks. kinda.

2008-04-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a READING day which is always oh-so-fun. I took the day off, giving me the wonderful opportunity of spending 12 hours straight on campus. Needless to say, by the end of the night I had a serious migraine. I'm sure the Sugar n Spice soft serve, J-Dawg's Polish, and Smart Cookie sandwich didn't exactly help... Generally I get migraines from not enough water, not enough sleep, or too much sugar. Hmm... wonder what's gonna happen when I combine all 3, plus a full day of cramming stuff into my brain?!? You would think I would learn. Yet, turns out after 8 full semesters I still pull the SAME stint every tiem finals roll around. Oh well, I'm graduating, so it couldn't have been TOO bad a plan, right? I've been thinking about April finals from the past 3 years...and what feels different and what feels the same this time around. (I apologize for all the introspection and sentimentalism lately... I can't make any promises of it stopping for at least the next week or so. Turns out graduating has some weird affects on your emotions)

Freshman year was plagued by a general lack of sleep, so of course finals just perpetuated the problem. All the boys were leaving on missions, and my best girl friends were transferring away... so of course we all had to spend EVERY second together. This left absolutely no time for sleep. On Saturday I drove home, and I remember calculating I had gotten literally less than 11 hours of sleep over the past 4 days. That sort of lifestyle canNOT be healthy. Steve and I car-trained to Vegas, and then he took off for Phoenix and I for San Diego. It is seriously a miracle I made it home alive! I remember Steve pulling over somewhere around St George (come on Steve, didn't we JUST stop for gas??) just checking to make sure I was alive. "Chrissy- you are swerving ALLLL over the freeway. Are you sure you're awake enough to drive???" OOPS.

The end of Sophomore year marked my grand gesture of independence. I had just broken off the "engagement" (I still don't know if it honestly qualifies as one.. so we'll go with near-engagement) and was ready to restart somewhere new. When you feel like your life and future have been dictated by one person for the last 9 months, there generally tends to be some sort of backlash. Great idea Chrissy-- move all the way across the country BY YOURSELF! After a quick stop at home, I drove from San Diego to Kentucky for a new job. Went with nobody, knew nobody (except my manager, that is), and had never been to the Mid-West. Ended up driving all over the damn country.. moved up to Chicago, and then later to Spokane, until I came back to Provo. It was the first time I was making all of my decisions on my own, and it was freakin rad.

Then there's the end of Junior year... the summer of a million bucks. We were SO sure we were going t come home from Minnesota rich. Anytime you have sure expectations for large amounts of money, all time-crunched decisions are bound to be bad ones. "Oh, just throw that away... I can buy a new one in September". Basically I gave away everything I own... including my car for a measly 100 bucks. Aaron and I spent countless hours in the library during finals week, trying to catch up from a semester spent slacking and playing with Greg and Alyssa (when your best friends aren't going to school, it makes it much harder to stay motivated) and then took off on a plane, bound for the craziest summer ever. The summer was a great one-- I'll definitly give it that, but I wouldn't exactly call it financially successful. Knocking doors also blows big time, so mostly I just remember lots of quality park time with Alyssa. And eventful weekends of course... which actually I don't really remember all that well... Came home real poor. OOPS. And now this year I feel like Freshman year is happening all over again... everybody separating, not knowing when we'll really see eachother again. I know we will- everyone will always just be a quick plane ride away (cuz we're all going to be rich and able to afford unlimited air travel, right???) but it's still just weird. I think it's especially weird this year because I'm saying bye to all the same friends as a I did freshman year. So rather than just having a few semesters of DT play time under our belts, we have FOUR YEARS of history. I know I am being ridiculously sentimental about all this, but truly I'm just going to miss it all. Of course it's bitter sweet, cuz I'm also SUPER STOKED at the propsect of not being stuck in Provo anymore, and having the chance to go out and do whatever, go wherever. Maybe I can dedicate some more time to a few out-of-towner friends...(Virg, Jan, Ioana, and the Dayleys to name a few :) But if I'm still around this time next year, kick my ass and put me on the next plane OUT of Utah. I have some BIG things I wanna do in the next couple years... and bummin around Provo forever doesn't happen to be one of them. On a final note, THANKS to all my wonderful friends for the plethora of comments on my last post. Really, you guys are the best and I wish it were really possible to express how much I freakin love you! You're more than welcome to keep up the comment trend.. can never have to many lovins!
xoxo

why not staying age 12 forever sucks.

2008-04-15T09:17:00.001-07:00

I seem to have a lot of frustrations boiling on inside... but none of them are really stemmed from anything. For the first time in a long time (as in, maybe ever) I just don't have much of a desire to talk. Like I'd rather just listen, or write, or sit back and just take in what's around me. I talk a lot... I know anybody who knows me can attest to that... but what do I ever talk about that is important? Even when I'm writing- in here or in giant research papers or in letters or in my little yellow journal or in my countless doodle notebooks- I often wonder what I could be saying that matters anything at all. I write all these grandiose papers- why Slobodan Milosevic is a bad leader, why China should stop sucking (anything with "sucking" in the title has got to be grandiose, right?), how America should save the rest of the world, why the EU is growing in importance and rocks my world, how culture affects the health of women, theories of democratic peace and realism.

Do these sorts of things really matter? I would hope they do. Actually, I know they do. That's why I have loved my major so much I think. Every little thing I learn about has affected people- LOTS of people. Even though theory is ridiculously boring, it shapes governments and policies. Policies shape laws and laws shape lives. Lives shape the world, and the cycle continues. How cool is that??? Every sentence I read in every textbook affects the cycle of the world. Nothing I have ever written about was based on something nobody cares about or something that doesn't affect me. China affects me, what's going on in Darfur affects me, how women of the world are treated affects me, democratic peace affects me. And it affects you too.

Seneca (somebody important in ancient days) said, "we study world politics not because it is inherently interesting, but we believe it will determine the fate of the world".
How cool is that? Things I have studied will determine the fate of the world. I think that's why I chose my major... I just wanted to understand something beyond me... put the peices of the puzzle together and try to understand this big big world just a bit bit better. Sometimes it is SO frustrating to not be able to just understand it ALL. My classes have been hard for me and I've been confused a lot of the time. People are much smarter than me in these realms, and now that I'm done with it all I'm not even sure how I can apply all this jumbled and amazing information into my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I know I will miss this place...

Today's Top Frustrations

-not having a future plan

-having to wait 3 more days to find out about Teach for America

-my Capstone paper group

-poli sci kids who are obsessed with law school

-the fact that we have to redo huge chunks of our capstone paper

-thinking about everything i have to do in the next 220 hours before graduation

-merely thinking about my finance final. oh, how i detest that class

-not being able to wake up skinny

-possibilities of more snow

-people asking me what i'm doing next

-not having an answer for the people that ask what i'm doing next

-working so danged much

-not having a car

-friends who don't care

-my inability to make my sister happy on command

-the fact i can't fix all the world's problems

-the stupid jammed copy machine

ketch-up and mustard

2008-04-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the major delay in updates... my brain truly melted after the whole capstone/TFA incident, and nothing even remotely interesting could come out of my fingers. Not that I'm making any promises today, but after a weekend of freedom I feel a bit more capable. Since we last spoke, This is my new favorite website. Thanks to Travis for introducing me to it. What can be better than countless hours of your favorite music, all for free? This has definitely been a lifesaver at work this past week. It has also lead me to discover that i lovvvve Counting Crows. Every time I'm listening to a song and go "wow, who is this??", usually it's them. Check it, check it. And here's Afton and I at Jake's rugby game. Aren't we the cutest?

Leesh dyed my hair last night... I'll put pictures up soon, but I think I'm going to wait til I get a haircut, cuz right now it looks a little dead. It's basically the same red I dyed it in Belgium (actually the exact same kind that Stijn helped me pick at GB) but just a little darker since it wasn't so light this time. Wow, as if anybody cares about my freakin hair...This just goes to prove the caliber of my thoughts the last few days. She also gave me a henna, though- which I'm in love with. I think I'll just have to start becoming a henna regular til I get over this tat-obsessive phase...

Work has been delightful, as always. I got TWO paychecks on Friday, thanks to my dual-job setup now, and it was such a relief! I hate myself when I'm in financial-woes mode, and I'm pretty sure everyone else does too. I just get so naggy and stressed. I think it's one of the only things in the world that makes me extremely pessimistic and downtrodden. Luckily, things are looking up now so I can stop being such a bonch. I owe my friends all my sanity for helping me stay afloat last month. Thanks for your patience! If any of you need anything (this includes spottin some spare change), please never hesitate to ask.

It's weird to think that I'll be graduating so soon. It's especially weird to think that I have no idea what that really means for me. I mean, what's next? I could leave school with a definite plan (like TFA saying: you're going to New York City to teach 9th grade for the next 2 years)... or I can be in absolute limbo, planning to just hang around Provo for a while. OR I can just start making up fake future plans- like I'm going to law school, I'm engaged, I'm moving to Nepal, or I'm planning to hitchhike the country. Utah people seem to really like the first two stories; I could probably pull all of them off (like people believing the story, not it actually happening)... at least in theory. Probably having a desire to go to law school, an existing relationship, or a little bit of fundage would be necessities for the first three. But I could hitchike the country on nothing, couldn't I? Maybe I better stick to option 4. Everyone already thinks I'm a crazy hippie, so it might just fit the bill. (Check out Aaron jumping over the fire... Freakin crazo. Our bonfire was accidentally HUGE.)

General Conference was this weekend, which was nice and inspiring. I didnt go in the fall (I was "busy in Brussels." Right....) so it feels like forever since I've been in the GC groove. Charisse had some extra tickets, so Annalicia and I rode up with her and a few other people in the ward. Despite living in Utah for the past 4 years, this was the first time I've actually got to go into the Conference Center. It was enjoyable... although when you accidentally fall asleep it's a LOT more awkward when you know everybody's watching. Yesterday afternoon Leesh and I went to my Uncle Scott's house with my grandparents to visit his family and watch conference. It was definitely enjoyable-- it's always good to get some family time in. I love when my grandparents are visiting- they give me hope about getting old.

Mountain Dew is my best friend this morning. Sleepovers with 4 people in one queen bed are NOT the best idea. So I blame YOU (you know who you are...) I'd have to say that Leesh rolling off onto the floor this morning was one of the funniest moments of my weekend. I totally thought she did it on accident and the THUD caught me totally off guard... Unfortunately I had to stifle the laughter cuz we still had some sleepers. Funny funny. But yeah, pretty sure spoon-trains on school nights might not be the best idea in the future.

Oh yeah, and it snowed this morning. WTF???

the magic four

2008-04-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Until I have time for a real post...

Four jobs I've had: 1. door to door salesman 2. research intern 3. secretary 4. call-center sales

Four places I've lived: 1. Deer Lake, WA 2. Oceanside, CA 3. Minneapolis, MN 4. Brussels, Belgium

Four movies that I love: 1. Fight Club 2. Juno 3. Across the Universe 4. Borat

Four favorite foods: 1. curry (Thai Ruby=heaven) 2. Durums 3. brownies and ice cream 4. sushi

Four weird things about me 1. im lactose-intolerant; ice cream makes me ill but i eat it anyways 2. i crush on EVERYONE (well, all males)- all for different reasons. i think this is why i'm bad at relationships. 3. usually i'm late on purpose 4. i hate sleeping by myself

Four favorite TV shows 1. The Office 2. Grey's Anatomy 3. Desperate Housewives 4. Gossip Girl (yes, i fully realize the last 3 are fully girly, dramatic, and possibly even lame. i can't help it!!! they have to replace the lack-of-drama in my own life)

Four places I'd love to go 1. Africa 2. Thailand 3. Nepal 4. Brazil

TAG, you're all it.

this girl's got NEEDS.

2008-04-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

I had my FINAL Teach for America interview today. AHHHHH- so stressful. We all gave 5 minute lesson plans, did a team project pretending to be teachers planning a school activity, wrote responses to some article pre-readings we did, answered a bunch of questions (written) on this "problem solving" activity about absences in your school, and then had a question answer session. That was the first 4 hours... and then in the afternoon I had a private 45 minute interview. In case anybody I know every applies... now ya know what to look forward to. Basically it was an INTENSE day.
It actually wasnt as bad as I expected, and we all had a lot of fun together. Mostly it just "inspired me in the cause" of what TFA is all about. What a cool program! Educational discrepancy is SUCH a problem in our country. It's truly tragic. One of the articles we read pointed out that we are failing as a democracy because our education system completely overlooks an entire segment of the population. Regardless of whether I get into the program or now, it's really caused education reform to become a priority for me. No matter what happens, I'll always respect Teach for America and the mission it strives to fulfill. Any undergrads trying to figure out what to do after graduation should definitely look into it!!!

My Capstone paper (ya know.. that 50 page paper that determines if I graduate...) was also due today, so it's nice to have that FINISHED. Our group will get this version back and have one more chance to make improvements before it's sent in for final grading. The bulk of the work is done though, and it feels great! After 2 days of library, interviews, work, and intensity-- my brain feels like it may explode! I'm having a hard time carrying on normal conversations or walking in a straight line. I'm not really sure what it's gonna take to normalize again, so I've started to wonder what I need. I've been brainstorming but haven't found any solutions, so I decided to ask the fountain of all knowledge- Google . I tried asking Wikipedia but it wasn't as helpful--surprisingly enough. So according to Google....

-chrissy needs a few friends with open hearts and open arms
-chrissy really needs to face the facts
-chrissy needs to stop answering the phone
-chrissy needs needle-nose pliers to pull hair out of the shower drain
-chrissy needs some time to get to know you
-chrissy needs to get her shit together
-chrissy needs a car
-chrissy needs to ditch this guy
-chrissy needs God's guidance and help
-chrissy needs to ask Hillary Clinton to explain her hypocrisy

When you spend enough time with the Internet, it starts to get to know you REAL well. Creepy.

burn your bills

2008-03-30T23:47:00.001-07:00

North America's next currency... the Amero.

Lil welcome to lil Dayley

2008-03-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Alyssa and Greg had their baby yesterday! Well, Alyssa "had" it, but I'm sure Greg was very supportive. Could I be any more excited?? It's crazy how much can happen and change in just 9 months. Minneapolis summer seems like sooo long ago-- yet just yesterday at the same time.

In their honor, Aaron and I wrote a song about it... Our songs are usually at a pretty exemplary caliber, so be sure to watch for the music video coming soon.

CONGRATS TO GREG AND ALYSSA!!! I love you both, and your new baby!!!

xoxoxo

primarily for my sister.

2008-03-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

In light of some recent family events, I decided to write a letter.

Anybody who actually knows me, realizes that my family is kind of CrAZyyyy. I love them to death, and for the most part things are pretty stable these days. Mom's happily married, Dad's happily living with his boyfriend (Also, my Dad is gay. This probably comes as news to a LOT of people. However, I'm sick of pretending it's not real. It's a part of my life. Deal.) and things are pretty mellow. Took ten years of psycho to get to this point... but I think we're in a good place. Whenever I think of high school though, all I can really remember is lots and lots of fights with my step-dad. I know there were lots of other good things during that time frame (there'd have to be, right???) but somehow I just remember lots of yelling.

Before you picture me as some snotty teenager whining in my parent's room about not being able to go to some stupid party, please stop and listen for a moment. There were all sorts of psychological and social reasons behind it (I'm sure a sociologist or psychiatrist would have a HAY DAY with my family), but let me assure you-stupid parties was not one of them. I think in almost any case, a strong willed completely independent teenager is going to struggle a little bit when a random father figure (also very strong willed) enters into their life with new plans for domination and power. (I really don't mean to make him sound like a bad person- cuz really he's not. I love the guy to death and have grown to respect and love him LOADS. But when I was 16, I thought my life was surely over.)

We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, neither of us was willing to give in, and so we argued pretty regularly. Even though this was a rough period, I don't really regret it at all. I don't wish he would've been easier on me, and I don't wish that I would have just bent to his rule. I learned and grew a lot- and really learned how to stand up for myself and not be walked on. (yes, I did obviously forget for a while, therefore letting a lot of dumbass boys treat me real crappy. but again- learning experience. moving on.)

So anyways, my dear and beloved little sister, Annalicia, had similar such struggles. However, she is much more passive (and nice) than I, and mostly just walked away from arguments and pretended like nothing they did bothered her. She doesn't think she's good at arguing and doesn't like confrontation so just never really stood up for herself. Well, as can be expected, the pattern has continued, and J-dawg picked a big fight about politics with her today. I'm sure he is just trying to protect her from her crazy liberal older sister (they are sure that I, along with all other Democrats, are wicked) but it came across totally wrong. He just bombarded her with all these random (and stupid and biased) "facts" about liberals and telling her that she should think for herself (as he tries to brainwash her) and steer clear of the liars and evil things of the world (aka voting for anyone but McCain--- where do crazy conservatives come up with this stuff??)

Ok, sorry- I get easily sidetracked into political rants. But we both just got really frustrated because Leesh isn't even that strong in politics anyways, really she could care less. If he really wanted to argue points and bash on liberals, he should be talking to ME. However, as I pointed out to Annalicia, he will not confront me with such conversations because he KNOWS I will not stand up for his crazy, unsubstantiated crap and will stand up for myself. She- being the weary, already bitter at him, nice girl that she is- will say nothing back and just sit and let it fester and fesssterrrr and FESTTERRRRRR.

So, which method is better--- fighting back all the time, or passively accepting and ignoring? (maybe someone can shed some light or experience???) I don't know really-- but I obviously prefer my method. There are no secrets between my parents and I, they know where I stand on all issues, and they no longer use brainwashing methods to induce obedience. We had some ROCKY times this year-- but I was honest throughout the whole thing, and now things are lookin up. So, since I love my own method so much, I decided to pretend I was Annalicia. If he said things like that to me, and I were her, how would I react? So, I came up with this letter. It's mostly for Leesh... in fact this whole post is mostly for Leesh... as nobody else probably cares or gets what the heck I am saying (and are probably still in shock about the my-dad-is-gay thing; feel free to speak freely about it, it's not a touchy subject) This will likely be one of those lower-comment-count entries... oh well. Next time I'll be funny, promise.

Dear Dad,
Stop trying to brainwash me. I'm a big girl and I have a big brain. You always think of me as a weak and malleable soul who you can walk all over because you think everyone else does too. I have my own opinions, my own thoughts. I have a deep mind and I am not quick to draw conclusions. I think it's unfair for you to assume I sway with the moving fads and crowd. This does not apply to any other aspect of my life- why would it apply to politics?

All throughout high school you treated me like a lesser person because I stand up for what I think, and live the way I want to live. Because I am unique, dress differently, am into art instead of sports, and have a hard time making decisions, or occasionally make bad ones, you have judged me as unintelligent and incapable.

I am living on my own, I am paying everything on my own, I am making smart decisions with my finances (like taking a semester off to avoid going into debt), I got into a good college, I have chosen a major I know I will love and excel in. I am learning a lot about others, myself, and life EVERY MINUTE. Yet you still treat me like a sheepish little girl.

I am so bitter with you, and with Sheri, STILL over old circumstances. I feel like my relationship with you deteriorated after we all got married, and I never developed a strong bond with Sheri. I know a big part of that is my fault and based on my attitude-- growing up does help to shed light on past mistakes.

However- I think the bulk of this problem was founded on your direct FAILURE to accept me for who I am, and love me for who I am. And yet here you go again, judging something I have developed as a part of me (my more liberal mindsets) as wrong, unvalidated, and unsubstantiated. When will you let me just grow up, and accept that grown up version of myself?

Regards,
Annalicia

this is the most important part of the whole blog.

2008-03-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days we have been talking a lot about marriage in my D&C class. I go to BYU, so this should be no surprise- it's basically a daily topic. I try to avoid these discussions, as marriage is not an activity I plan on participating in anytime soon. However, as part of these discussions, we are repeatedly asked to talk and think about what we want in a future husband (or wife for all you menfolk.) Most people are quick to name the standard basics: goes to church, priesthood holder, educated, respectful, temple worthy, etc. While I have nothing against this list, I think there are many other necessities often overlooked. I mean, 80% of guys at BYU could probably qualify under those terms, so how do you really go about narrowing it down? To help with this process, I created my own list. Note that I've titled it preferences and not requirements, as I've come to realize there probably is no "perfect man" that qualifies under all twenty conditions.

top 20 preferences in a future husband (/boyfriend/lover)

1. can flash the BLOOD sign in 1 second flat
2. knows the difference between bloods and crips
3. can BS a 5 page paper in under 2 hours
4. no fear of hitch hiking or couchsurfing
5. thinks he can fly, or has at least tried
6. completed at least one 15+ hour roadtrip by himself
7. has a desire for brown babies (via adoption, none of this abraham and hagar craziness)
8. willing to backpack South East Asia
9. has considered sneaking into North Korea at least once in his life
10. wishes he were black a minimum of 8% of the time
11. self-conscious of some feature of his body, but has no desire to change it
12. doesn't mind getting hit on by other men, because he takes it to mean he has style
13. can drive with only his knees
14. tells inappropriate jokes, and laughs at himself
15. not obsessed with pork, beef, or venison
16. uncensored sneezes; preferably a trademarked funny one
17. concerned about fridge organization
18. checks himself out in the mirror each time he passes, and then makes weird faces
19. not opposed to traveling to any city, state, or country in the whole world
20. has some sort of unique accent; this requirement can be fulfilled by repetitive usage of bizarre jargon and verbage, or a speech impediment.

If you think you make the cut, be sure to give me a call. We should probably go out sometime...

hard boiled eggs

2008-03-24T16:44:00.001-07:00

Easter was a great day! I woke up early and went to church with Travis since he and Ben are the only ones I know with 9am church. Even Catholics go to church on Easter*, so I figured it'd be worth the extra effort in the morning to make sure I got to go. Leesh and I went up to Morgan with Aaron (because his family is amazingly kind and invited us up) for the best dinner I have had in ages. On the way there, we stopped at his brother's house for petting zoo time. What could be more fitting an Easter activity than playing with little goats and chickies?

Aside from great food and a petting zoo, I really am thankful for the Easter season. Church was all about the Savior and the Atonement, and I couldn't help but think about it allll day long. What an amazing gift!!! I think in the past, Easter was mostly about candy and rabbits because I never really appreciated the Atonement or Resurrection. This year I need it and appreciate it more than ever, and hope to never take it for granted again!!!

*I have NOTHING against Catholics... I respect them completely and think they make the prettiest churches in all of Europe. This statement is in reference to an inside joke with Ioana, who is Romanian Orthodox Catholic somethin somethin... and always says her family only went to church on Christmas and Easter. If they go to church on Easter, it's probably a good sign I should too.

full time fool

2008-03-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Reasons why Hamilton Environmental is awesome (mornings):
-internet
-seclusion
-learn about pollution and other such things
-brush up on my editing and typing skills
-spend other people's money
-sometimes i feel important
-my boss is nice. and entertaining
-Bus 850 drives right by it
-it's right next to the bakery outlet, giving me easy access to the cheapest and best bread ever

Reasons I-Satellite is awesome (evenings):
-continual stream of sweet movies on the big screen
-nobody cares when you show up late, with McDonalds in hand (proof I didnt even try)
-unlimited water bottles, gatorade, and mountain dew
-internet access
-guaranteed homework time
-chatting with Aaron and Leesh
-can talk on my cell phone and ignore sales calls, and nobody cares
-people believe me when i tell them i'm calling from jamaica
-crazy people threats, like "i'm going to drive there and hurt you" and "im going to report you to Dish and i hope you go to jail!!!" Another favorite is always "get a real job", which is mostly humorous when i know i make more money than them
-today i sat and did all fore-mentioned things, and made 4 sales in 4 hours
-i can make 100 dollars on a saturday morning, when i would otherwise be sleeping

Maybe working full time while going to school isn't so bad after all...

TAG. the game, not the body spray.

2008-03-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

James tagged me in the "Random Facts" game. I've never played before, but due to the invite I'm finally starting to feel like an official part of blogging world. As the game requires me to indulge a little about myself, here goes...

I don't like Ranch dressing, Maple syrup, or Fox news. Sure sign I don't really fit in at BYU. I read the New Yorker, am addicted to CNN.com, and will vote for Clinton, NOT McCain if Obama doesn't win the nomination. Also, I'm a Democrat (in case the previous lines didn't make that clear) which is enough to put me in the minority all by itself. I used to think Democrats were the devil, and even flew to Michigan to campaign for the R's last year. Oh, how much can change in a year...
I skipped the 3rd grade. Well, technically I went for a month, so I guess I didn't skip allll of it. I moved to a new school that year and was helplessly bored learning cursive and filling out worksheets. I used to ask the teacher if I could read to the class during reading time, and being the nice lady she was, she indulged my pleas. If I was anyone else in the class, I would have hated me. The weird part was that after I got bumped to 4th grade I became a sort of celebrity. Definitely nerd celebrity land, but when the whole school only has like 150 kids, and suddenly there's a new 4th grader- people are going to notice. I had like 3 boyfriends that year.
I've kissed 3 men who speak absolutely no English. Official proof I speak the language of love.
Whenever I pass road markers while I'm in the car, I raise my feet- toes then heels, as the car drives by. This sounds obsurd- I realize this, so let me explain a bit. When I was little I would get bored just looking outside on long roadtrips, so I invented a little game to occupy myself. Whenever we passed a large object, I had to raise my feet over the object as we passed. This applied to road markers, telephone poles, and often boulders. It became a weird little habit, and it's carried on until today. Turns out Leesh does it too- we were meant to be soulmates.
One year I was high for an entire summer. I do not recommend this to anyone. No, I am not lying, and yes, I will probably regret including this in my blog.
I make a REALLY weird face when I am texting, especially while laying down. I never really noticed until Leesh pointed it out to me, but now that I know about it I'm extremely self conscious. Because let me tell you- it's NOT a pretty face. Basically as I'm laying down and texting, my face gets all scrunched up and contorted, I intensely scowl, and I push out a double chin like no other. All this while focusing intently on whatever I'm texting. The weird part is that usually I'm writing happy texts, but somehow it translates to pain in my face. Odd.
My first car was named after a black man (RIP LeRoy), my first concert was N'Sync, and my first kiss was when I was 14. My next 4 siblings (Leesh-19, Jacque-18, Erik-17, Taylor-16) all had their first kisses at age 14 as well, so we had a nice little tradition going. That is, until Sarah made out with JC in the hot tub at age 13. What a little hoe (jk, jk. we told her to do it). But, she is definitely the hottest, so what's to be expected? Sam turns 14 next month, so I think we may be in the clear. As long as we can find him a cute neighbor girl to mack on within the next 13 months, we'll be good to go. Kathryn is only 11, so let's pray she's not kissing anyone for a real long time.

Now I expect a plethora of comments as reassurance it's ok I just spilled my guts on the internet. I tag Alyssa (and/or Greg), Kathryn (and/or Drew), Annalicia, Liberty, and Virginia.

In other news, I hate George W. Bush

2008-03-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

Being the "raging liberal" I am, this should be no surprise. Considering today is the 5-year anniversary of the Iraq invasion, I thought I'd dedicate a whole post in his honor. Defend him as you wish- everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just really can't stand the guy.
My main disgust stems from my dislike for his policies, and more specifically bringing us into an ILLEGAL and preemptive war. He wasted all the support we had internationally after 9/11 and turned us into an international pariah. We aren't any more "secure" than we were 5 years ago, and Iraq isn't in any better condition. We did not find any WMD, and now we're trapped in a high budget war with no end in sight.
I would love to go on, and supply you with all sorts of fun facts and figures, but I'm afraid it might escalate into a boring tangeant that only a fellow Poli Sci fanatic would appreciate. Therefore, on a lighter note, let's take a look at a few of Bush's famous quotes. Turns out not only is he a terrible policy maker, but he's quite the dope of speaker as well.

Here's to Mr Dubuya...

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves."

"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."

"Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."

"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." (yes, yes i believe we do know. thanks for the reminder though)

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." (i'd have to say this is an all-time favorite)

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." 9/13/01
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." 3/13/02

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." (wait, what country do we live in?)

Well that's all for now. Hopefully I haven't offended anyone.. I really mean it when I say everyone has the right to their own opinion. Just make sure it's YOURS and you know why. Definitely check out the YouTube link for a good laugh... And be smart when you vote in November!!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8EvNJWM_NDg

do as you like.

2008-03-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

hunger banquet, afton, pi party, liberty, friends, sleep, rex lee run, 32:20, leesh, target, clothes, aaron, truck, emma, hot tub, peter, brandon, snow, Bish, church, dinner, more aaron n leesh, guitar, movie, ward prayer, awkward hour, more movie, andre, fake homework, sleep.

there's the weekend rundown. my brain is too shot to expound. it's been a good weekend though. a few basics, a few monumental occurances. my life is changing for the better, and i like it.

taco tuez

2008-03-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

I promised i'd dedicate a post to Del Taco Tuesday... so here ya have it. This is an official ode to the best day of the week.

Reasons Taco Tuesday is awesome:

-good excuse to get out of the house
-3 tacos for ONE dollar... need i say more?
-brings all the girls together for a night out
-reunites freshman year party friends
-excuse to get ready for the day (yes, sometimes ya still need an excuse at 10pm)
-the tacos are AMAZING
-you can pick hard OR soft
-the El Scorcho sauce is delish
-vegetables (lettuce), dairy (cheese), fruit (tomato), bread (shell) ANNNND meat... all in one delicious bite.

word out.

the curse is shattered

2008-03-10T20:27:00.001-07:00

I had the most amazzzzzzing birthday yesterday, and I feel like I just have to share. I'm blessed with amazing friends and family- and it was really just a great booster of a day for me. The last couple weeks... ok MONTHS have just seemed to crazy confusing and I've really been lacking a lot of direction. Now- I don't necessarily think that birthday magic cured all that by any means, but things just all seem to be coming together- coincidentally right around my birthday.

The best part of it all is that my birthday has long been plagued by a series of unfortunate events that unluckily fall right on my birthday. On my 11th birthday, my Dad had a nervous breakdown (like, literally- haha)and my life basically fell apart, and the 10 years following seemed to be filled with all sorts of the same bad luck. Examples: 14th-jumped by school bully..long story; 18th- the jaleah explosion, 19th- dropping a ring off a balcony and inevitably returning it to the giver... (yeah, we all know that story). Anyways, I'm not tryin to like bring up the past garbage of my life, that's not really the point. Cuz honestly, I find most of those things rather humorous now. Basically, the last 10 birthdays have just been full of nasty- it's a wonder I even look forward to birthdays at all.

However, the curse has been broken and I think my ten year stint has been served. Yesterday I was blessed with the love of amazing friends, and a supportive family. Cards, gifts, and even just being surrounded by the people I love all made it all the better. Church was amazing, and for the first time in a LONG time I felt an inner desire to actually try. I got home after church and jumped on my bed for a solid 5 minutes out of pure joy (yes, i really am a 1st grader). Not just because church was so awesome- but just a combination of a lot of things. Birthdays are great on their own, combined with party anticipation, relief over a re-discovered testimony, and a surge of inspiration to renew life efforts and goals.

The past few months I have been WAY off track, and it's time to refocus my efforts. Thanks to all my friends for reminding me it's possible- not necessarily by anything you say, but by the things you do and the way you live your life and the way you love me, despite all my many deficiencies.

Well, this is gettin all crazy dramatic again and that was definitely not the intention. Really I just wanted to say I had a great birthday and thanks to everyone who played any part. You guys are the greatest.

xoxo

bad words

2008-03-05T10:54:00.001-08:00

I'm not swearing anymore. If you hear me slip, you have full permission to reprimand and lecture. I sound like a sailor, and sailors aren't even cool anymore.

*exceptions:
-damn and hell. usually.
-the s word when it is said in mocking gangsta style. like "'nuff o' dat sh*&"
-ass when saying anything else will make me sound like a 1st grader

failed optimism with hopeful futures

2008-02-29T17:55:00.001-08:00

An overall goal I have in life is to try to stay optimistic, and always look at the positive side of things and people. Lately I have been failing miserably at this endeavor!!! I have been so wrapped up in my own life and my own problems and my own stresses. I have just been SO selfish. I don't know where this major shift took place, but yesterday I was listening to myself just rant about something, and realized this really does need to stop. Sure, I may have more bills than I have the means to cover. Yes, I may get frustrated at family and friends for things they say and do. Sometimes I wish I were somewhere else (a foreign country maybe?) at a different stage of life (like, 30?), or that I at least had some direction in my life.

But despite all this, I have been SO blessed in my life. In comparing my lot with others, I can't believe I even dare complain about anything at all. On the bus going to and from work I like to just sit back and watch people; you definitely meet a crazy combination of people through public transportation. I was just watching some random people get on and off the bus, and tried to imagine some of the things they're going through. It is easy to tell that some of them are STRUGGLING. Mental disorders, struggling with unemployment, and even the guy with a HOOK for a hand. At least I have jobs, both hands, and my sanity!

I have the support of an amazing family, and I am lucky enough to have many great friends. Other people would die to have even just one friend as amazing as mine are. I've traveled throughout parts of the world that many others will only dream about. I have a roof over my head, and even if I can't necessarily afford to live in it, I know it will all work out and I'll be OK. I'll always have a bed to sleep in! I complain because I don't have my favorite brand of soymilk or that I don't have any new clothes... some people won't eat at all today, and will wear the same shirt for days and weeks. I am not starving, I am not living in poverty, and I have the freedom to do what I want and do what I want to do. How lucky am I?

The other day I mentioned I wish my life were like in The Giver- where they just pick out your life for you and plan it all out. Somehow I venture to think this might be easier for me. Suddenly it hit me that there truly ARE people living like that in this world-- not in some fiction book, but real people who live in such corrupt and messed up countries that their dictators tell them how to earn a living and what to do with their money, control where they live and where they can go (aka nowhere), and even how many kids they can have. My heart aches for them, yet I continue to sit around and mope about my struggles. Well enough of that, ladies and gentlemen; this girl needs to get her butt in gear! I think it's about time for some major changes around here...

working on the WSD thing

2008-02-28T08:39:00.000-08:00

Although I love my job, occasionally I get distracted and find other projects that consume bits of my time. Today I've picked out this summer's swimsuit, my future wedding ring, and a few pairs of shoes. I also enjoy scanning some of my favorite websites for bits of entertainment throughout the day. Urban dictionary.com is definitly among the favorites list, so today we are going to expand upon basic vocabulary.

TOP ELEVEN WORDS OF THE DAY
frienvy: feeling of want or need for something a friend might have. People often experience friendvy when a close friend of theirs loses weight, gets a promotion, or finds a new lover.

bragadocious: an adjective describing something or someone that is bragging too much

word out: marks the end of your conversation and your departure. opposite of "word up"

WSD: "Write Shit Down". A popular method of organization. Works equally well in one's personal or professional life.

dandruff: one who always ditches or "flakes" on group activities

january joiner: join the gym in January, over it by February

brokeback: anything of questionable masculinity; a broke-back man purse

safety buzz: drinking so you have an excuse for all the stupid things you may do later

f that s: to replace vulgar language with the letters they begin with. as to not sound like an 8 year old who just learned the word.

facebookable: content is considered appropriate enough to be viewed by the general public of the facebook community i.e. friends/significant others/family/coworkers without having to worry about explaining a sketchy situation

400 K.C.'s: supposedly making out for 20 minutes burns 400 (kilo)calories

-------------
Virginia also introduced me to another fantastic blog, which can be found at: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

No idea who the author is, but this is some FUNNY STUFF.

addendum

2008-02-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

Virginia's additions to the BRX file:

-funny hostel owners in Amsterdam: "now girls, if you smoke a joint, vemember to open zee vindow"
-keeping the heater on during the day even though "it hurt the global warming"
-Nils
-independent Romanian films at the EP
-cruising in Mindaugus' Beemer trying to make him dance at the red lights
-sharing headbands
-that MEAN man at the Dutch farmer's market!!!
-"hey, how was last night with jean-claude?" "uhh...i just got home!"
-Roqueforts and Leffes ;)
-"i challenge you to a dual!"
-corduroy pants and chest hair
-WELCOME TO AMERRRICA, BAM!

livin large in the BRX

2008-02-22T07:50:00.001-08:00

So I have been trying my best since I got home to not talk about Brussels too much. I don't wanna be that annoying study abroad girl who just won't shut up about it. But really it's about all I ever think about. Memories created there make me laugh every day and I miss our little intern family! Virginia's latest post got me to thinking even MORE about it, so I figured one little dedication to Brussels couldn't hurt...

Things I miss about living in Europe:
-catching a train and waking up in a new country
-Ryan Air
-George and Jean Claude... my African lovers
-AMSTERDAM with V Strats.
-galavanting all night with Seb and Flo- and then stealin their bed
-Seb teaching us how to make a crack card
-living with Virg and Andrea... probly the best flat of life
-seeing 9 countries in 3 months
-waking up to a mug and tea outside my door
-funny sleepovers...
-night(s) out with Lucky Charms and Terminator
-SPOONING!!!
-Clifford.. the best couch on earth
-Mini Coupe, Mr J, and the Stallion. And Stank, of course
-loner "parsley celebration" nights
-cheese and wine european appreciation extravaganzas.
-going to conferences all over Brussels for the free food and drinks
-night capps. and morning capps
-a good Kriek
-Taco Tuesdays at the Crown House
-Durums!!! why hasn't america caught on to kababs???
-the guy who knew my order at the Kabab shop, right when i walked in the door
-culture dinners with the HRWF gang
-making messes, followed by angela being mad at us!
-running at the Lakes
-dancing on tables
-dancing basically anywhere
-galavanting and picnics at the park
-Grand Place... and everything about it
-bus 95, and actually having time to read
-the beauty of Ireland
-meeting on Rogier after work! I LOVE "WE"
-the crackhead who walked me home
-Thanksgiving in Portugal
-ANDRE from Faro and his hotness and his flat and his words of wisdom
-old men on skooters:)
-euro-halloween parties. and wearing Togas on the metro.
-the inability to eavesdrop cuz everyone's speaking a different language
-being surrounded by culture and chocolate and museums and flea markets
-the market at Gare du Midi
-just staring at Big M (just look, don't touch!)
-getting caught up in MCM (many hours of gay Next and Parental Control)
-roadtrips to Normandie with Euro-friends
-making music videos in the car
-castles and palaces and museums
-Place Lux and Misterwash
-waffles, frites, mussels, Fanta, cafes and chocolates
Really, what's there not to miss???

2008-02-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I drove Travis's van for a while, and basically fell in love with it. It is GIANT, relatively unattractice, and SO FREAKING SWEET. Aside from the fact that it was nice to just have a car and be mobile for a bit, my mind started racing with ideas on how to completely pimp out this beastly thing.

First of all, I would paint the entire thing. There was a van parked at Schuman roundabout in Brussels every day that was simply amazing. I'm not as cool as the bearded man who drove that one, by any means... but I could work on it-by growin out some dreads, for example.

After painting it (although i would leave babbles about the apocalypse out of it) I could replace the back seat with a bed, throw in some Rasta curtains, replace the carpet with shag, and eventually upgrade to a mini-fridge.

Quite possibly the best idea I ever had.

In other news, OBAMA WON WISCONSIN yesterday, giving him his tenth straight victory in the primaries. Is it even possible to express how much I love that man? NO, I think not. Although if you've had even one conversation with me in the last month you might have an idea...

I could go on about the million reasons I respect him and why I think he would be a great President... but I think I'll save that for another day. I could probably write a book about it, really. Until I work up the initiative to do that, go look it up yourself!!!

the provo effect

2008-02-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize, after about 4 years living here, that Provo has a bizarre affect on the mind. It changes your mentality of things, and often times you start to second guess the way you view the world and even the way you think.

I was talking to my sister about this recently, and realized there is a sort of pattern that comes out of it over time. Although 4 years in college, let alone Provo, can drive a person mad, it is somewhat necessary in order to bring yourself full circle. Let me expound...

After you graduate from high school, you are confident and excited to take on the world. Basically you feel like a badass- you WILL conquer the world. Then you get to Provo, and suddenly the insecurities take over. Freshman year is a blast and you make lots of friends, but you are removed from your "home base foundation" you grew up with, and you have to start rediscovering yourself altogether. Also, in Utah you are surrounded by millions of Mormons- so if you are one, you inevitably begin to compare yourself to the rest of them. More often than not... at least if you are like me... you may start to think of yourself as a bad person. Inadequate to others' standards. To top things off, you have surely recieved your first F on a test by now, leading you to believe you are stupider than everyone else in the Utah Valley, possibly even the country.

By sophomore year, you've dabbled into the Provo dating scene and either come out with a boyfriend and a marriage proposal (it seems like a very high percentage of girls dropped off about this point...) or a few awkward moments. Lucky me, I came out with both. All your guy friends have ditched out for missions, and you are surrounded by RMs- spiritual giants who again challenge your self-views as a spiritually capable and knowledgeable person. All of a sudden you realize you know relatively nothing of the Gospel. Even if you wanted to go on a mission to try to catch up, it couldn't be for at least another year or two.

Around Junior year, you become fed up with feeling inadequate. You never feel good enough, you don't understand why all you wanna do is hang out with Raj at 7-11 when everyone else is studying, and people are starting to notice when you skip out on the last hour of Church. You realize the only way to figure out where you fit in this mess of a city is to figure out exactly who YOU are and what YOU want. Not what your parents want, your roommates want, the person you're dating wants, and maybe not even what your Bishop wants. All those different requests on your time and ideas start to bog you down and you lose sight of your true goals. What do YOU want?

At this point things might get a little crazy. (Maybe I should only speak for myself on that matter...) You're in a mad hunt to figure yourself out, and next year's graduation begins to loom near. Although mostly you're just confused, and frustrated that you dont really know what's going on, you may become obstinate to outside opinion during this stage. If you're figuring out who YOU are, you can't invite others' inputs, obviously. So you come across a little stubborn, maybe even a tad bitchy.

Finally Senior year arrives. At this point, it's really up to you which direction to go. I don't mean in a matter of like good v bad, or church v no church or anything like that... That decision is yours all along the way. You don't need 4 years of college to get to that point. However, you do have a lot of decisions regarding what to do next. Maybe you've had another marriage proposal or two by this point. Maybe you're considering a mission, if you're a girl, or maybe you have absolutely no idea what you're going to do now (After all, weren't you suppoed to be married by this point???) Hopefully by graduation you have some sort of gameplan. Aside from just a general outline for the next few years of your life, hopefully by this point you have come toward a feeling of completion on this little university journey.

Inevitably, you are a different person. Provo has changed you. It's not just Provo that does it-- if you lived anywhere you would have changed a lot by this point. You are the same at your core, but basically a much more confident version of yourself. You can measure where you stand against "them", and be perfectly alright with it. You can once again enjoy your Diet Coke, squeeze in an occasional R-rated movie, and rant about your views as a Democrat (heaven forbid in Utah!) and not even care how anybody else feels about it! It is quite the invigorating feeling, this new self-acceptance thing. How you measure against anyone else no longer matters, and you are living for yourself, and for your own relationship with God (If, obviously, that is included on the path you choose. Which, hopefully it is.)

This timeline can surely vary by person- some stages may fly by, and others may seem to dwell forever. However, hopefully you come out of it feeling as if you have come full circle, with a deeper understanding and appreciation for yourself. Now is the time to once again feel like a badass. And hopefully this time the feeling lasts.

figurative devirgination

2008-02-16T19:41:00.000-08:00

Ahhh my first blog posting! I've put this off for months.... years actually, always sure that anything I would put out for public would be tainted by my own naive fears of judgment and desire for social acceptance. However, currently I couldn't care less about all that so it seems fitting to start throwing my thoughts around out loud. I have nobody to try and impress, no desire to be someone I am not, and am finally proud of myself, my thoughts, and even ready to defend my actions. Plus, we all know I love to talk so this simply provides an additional venue to do so.

I've gotten really good at keeping a personal journal lately, and plan to continue doing so. It feels good to just release tangents sometimes, or to sort out thoughts and plans with a pen or on a keyboard. My journal is great, but sometimes I develop insights I wouldn't mind sharing with close friends, or experience things I just can't wait to tell everybody about. What better way to address this issue than a blog??? So, here we go; welcome to the land of Chrissy on Crack!